Sketch Info
Trevor hosts a dating game, where the contestant, Barbara (Darren), gets nothing but misogynistic responses of sexual desire from the three bachelors, Sam, Zach, and Timmy. The sketch then is revealed to have been performed as a sketch to criticize offensiveness, only for the cast members to be kicked off the set for various reasons; Timmy for an anti-Semitic remark, Zach claiming to be dating an underage girl, and Trevor advocating violence against the baby boomer generation. Sam, the only one left (aside from Darren in the background), ends the sketch with an offensive remark against Latin-Americans.
Cast & Characters
Contenstant
Sam Brown
· Cast
Host
Trevor Moore
· Cast
Contestant
Zach Cregger
· Cast
Contestant
Timmy Williams
· Cast
Bachelorette
Darren Trumeter
· Cast
Quotes
Host (Trevor Moore)
Bachelor number one's name is Sam. Sam's an electrician in Napa Valley. His hobbies include camping. Hi, Sam.
Contenstant (Sam Brown)
Hi.
Host (Trevor Moore)
Bachelor number two is Zach. Zach is a fireman in Juneau, Alaska. Brr, pretty chilly up there, huh, Zach?
Contestant (Zach Cregger)
Yeah.
Host (Trevor Moore)
Bachelor number three is Timmy. Timmy is an events coordinator in Watertown, South Dakota. Timmy, how you like in LA?
Contestant (Timmy Williams)
It's warm.
Bachelorette (Darren Trumeter)
Bachelor number one, if you were a hammer, how would I use you?
Contenstant (Sam Brown)
You could use me to... fuck the shit out of you. You could take me out of your toolbox, and we would just fuck. Like, all night long. I want to do you so hard.
Host (Trevor Moore)
Bachelor number two, same question.
Contestant (Zach Cregger)
I just want to go crazy inside of you. Play around with your tits. and then finger your asshole a bit and then just fuck your pussy.
Bachelorette (Darren Trumeter)
Um, bachelor number three, I enjoy softball. Tell me, if I won a game, where would you take me to celebrate?
Contestant (Timmy Williams)
I want to fuck you in the face. I just want to grab your face and just fuck it.
Host (Trevor Moore)
That's great. That is great.
Bachelorette (Darren Trumeter)
Um bachelor number one I enjoy bringing boys home to mom. Tell me if I brought you to my house, how would you impress my mother?
Contenstant (Sam Brown)
I just want to bend you over my car and go crazy on your ass. I just want to fuck you on my car. I want to hear the sound of your boobs wiping on the hood of my car.
Host (Trevor Moore)
Look out! All right. Bachelor number two, same question.
Contestant (Zach Cregger)
I want to thwap you in the face with my erection. I want to beat you with my hard dick. I want to mace you in the face and then make you shit on a tarp.
Host (Trevor Moore)
Whoa, looks like we are turning up the heat in here. Barbara, new question for bachelor number three.
Bachelorette (Darren Trumeter)
Bachelor number three, without talking about sex. What on earth would we have in common?
Contestant (Timmy Williams)
Please let me fuck you. I will pay you money. I will give you $50 if you just let me fuck you in the face. I'm so fucking lonely. I'm so fucking lonely. That goes for anyone in the audience. Anybody out there, I will pay you money if you let me fuck you. I just need to fuck somebody so hard.
Host (Trevor Moore)
Ladies and gentlemen, that last sketch was offensive, and we were offended.
Contestant (Zach Cregger)
Probably more so than you, even.
Contenstant (Sam Brown)
We hated it, but it had to be done.
Contestant (Zach Cregger)
Wake up call, motherfuckers!
Contestant (Timmy Williams)
Yeah, you know, sometimes you just gotta say, hey, society, here's a mirror.
Host (Trevor Moore)
Western culture has gotten so base.
Contenstant (Sam Brown)
Yeah, now in Africa, there's Super 8s that the government made.
Contestant (Timmy Williams)
Yeah, because of the Jews!
Host (Trevor Moore), Contenstant (Sam Brown)
Whoa!
Contestant (Zach Cregger)
No! Off, Timmy.
Contestant (Zach Cregger)
Sorry um... The whitest kids you know does not endorse Jews, or Africa, or AIDS, or any of that stuff.
Contestant (Zach Cregger)
What we do endorse, however, is the repealing of the age of consent laws. Guys, love cannot be reined in by a number. I have been with a girl for seven years, and she's almost-.
Host (Trevor Moore)
Zach, off! Go.
Contenstant (Sam Brown)
Leave.
Host (Trevor Moore)
I'm sorry. I don't know what's going on. This is not what this is about. What this is about is that the Baby Boomer generation is evil, and we're past the point of peaceful revolution. We need violence. Kids, go up to your parents' rooms right now where we're sleeping.
Contenstant (Sam Brown)
Trevor! Off! Go!
Contenstant (Sam Brown)
I'm so sorry. I don't know what happened here. But what I do know is that all you hhh-Latinos can suck my dick.