theSketchDb

Bank Heist

7 1 rating

Sketch Info

Bank robbers (Zach, Trevor, Sam & Darren) continually fail to pull off a heist.

Quotes

0:02
Boss (Zach Cregger)

These here are the schematics for the Johnson-Bergstein-Witz-Eisner-Bank... Berg.

0:13
Boss (Zach Cregger)

However, every Saturday morning at 8 a.m., he takes a bathroom break.

0:18
Flatbaby (Darren Trumeter)

And that's when we're gonna take all his money!

0:20
Boss (Zach Cregger)

Ah, nah, nope, Flat Baby, hold it. We're not assembling a crack team here just to mug a guard.

0:51
Boss (Zach Cregger)

Any questions?

0:52
Trainbike (Trevor Moore)

How do we get from this building to that building?

0:55
Boss (Zach Cregger)

What?

0:56
Trainbike (Trevor Moore)

How do we get from this building's stairway to that building's stairway?

1:01
Boss (Zach Cregger)

Right, this is the same stairway. See, this is the blueprint for the first ground floor, and this is the basement. So this stairway is that stairway, right?

1:08
Trainbike (Trevor Moore)

There's like a secret tunnel that connects this stairway to that stairway?

1:15
Boss (Zach Cregger)

Okay, Train Bike, follow me here, right? It's two floors, same building. Kapish?

1:21
Trainbike (Trevor Moore)

Identical buildings.

1:23
Boss (Zach Cregger)

No, it's the same building. This stairway is the stairway, right? This is on top of that, like this. So it's the same thing. It's just drawn. These are two drawings of the same thing. It's a drawing.

1:34
Trainbike (Trevor Moore)

I'm just gonna have to see it.

1:46
Boss (Zach Cregger)

Okay, what went wrong? Smokestack and I stood at the top of the staircase for a good 20 minutes. Um, what happened?

1:53
Trainbike (Trevor Moore)

We were looking for that tunnel. Your blueprint is completely wrong.

2:26
Boss (Zach Cregger)

Where was everybody? I said Saturday 7 o'clock. I showed up Saturday 7 o'clock, and I waited alone for an hour. Where were you guys?

2:33
Trainbike, Flatbaby, Smokestack

Soccer.

2:49
Boss (Zach Cregger)

Smokestack. Got a couple notes for you. How about next week when we try this robbery again, we don't go running, screaming towards the bank from eight blocks away?

2:57
Boss (Zach Cregger)

For two reasons. One, it draws attention to ourselves. What was it you were yelling again?

3:01
Smokestack (Sam Brown)

Put your hands up, Bank.

3:02
Boss (Zach Cregger)

Right, yes. That draws attention. And two, as we all see, you get tired, and you have to sit down still a couple blocks away from the bank to catch your breath.

3:10
Boss (Zach Cregger)

Okay, Train Bike. Maybe let's not bring our guitar to the robbery next week. Good.

3:16
Boss (Zach Cregger)

Flat baby, who the fuck were all those people?

3:19
Flatbaby (Darren Trumeter)

I had some friends visiting from out of town.

3:21
Boss (Zach Cregger)

Okay, well don't bring him to the robbery.

3:56
Boss (Zach Cregger)

Smoke Stack, would you please refrain from detailing these meetings on your blog? I Googled myself this week, and, ah! Everything we've discussed here.

4:05
Boss (Zach Cregger)

And every time you use the word bank, you have a hyperlink to the bank's website.

4:10
Smokestack (Sam Brown)

It's just a diary.

4:12
Boss (Zach Cregger)

It's the World Wide Web!

4:21
Boss (Zach Cregger)

I don't even know any of your real names for anonymity's sake!

4:25
Trainbike (Trevor Moore)

Train Bike.

4:28
Boss (Zach Cregger)

Craigslist. Never again.

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