theSketchDb

We Buy Drugs

8 1 rating

Sketch Info

A sophomore (Trevor) sells some new drugs -- two "screamers" and a "small world" -- to some impressed freshmen (Sam, Zach, Darren).

Quotes

0:02
Zach (Zach Cregger)

Guys! Guys! Guys! Pause it! Pause it! Guys! I just ran into Bobby Finster from P.E. class and he told me how you can get high off sticky notes.

0:09
Sam (Sam Brown)

No way!

0:10
Darren (Darren Trumeter)

Fuck off!

0:11
Zach (Zach Cregger)

I'm serious. Here's what you do. You pull the top one off, right? And you take the glue part and you press it up to your gum and you hold it tight, okay? For like 30 seconds.

0:20
Zach (Zach Cregger)

I just saw Bobby now and he was high as ass.

0:23
Darren (Darren Trumeter)

Dude, I totally think I'm starting to feel something.

0:25
Sam (Sam Brown)

Yeah, me too.

0:26
Trevor (Trevor Moore)

Sup queerbaits?

0:28
Sam, Darren, Zach

Whoa! A sophomore!

0:30
Zach (Zach Cregger)

What are you doing here?

0:32
Trevor (Trevor Moore)

Just came by to see if your older brother is home.

0:34
Sam (Sam Brown)

Oh, no, he's not, but you can hang out with us. We're cool.

0:38
Trevor (Trevor Moore)

You kids buy drugs?

0:39
Sam, Darren, Zach

Cool!

0:41
Darren (Darren Trumeter)

We buy drugs!

0:42
Zach (Zach Cregger)

Yeah, what do you have?

0:43
Trevor (Trevor Moore)

Oh, man, I got everything. My parents are divorced. I got uppers, downers, screamers, laughers, poppers.

0:49
Zach (Zach Cregger)

Wait, wait, wait. What are screamers?

0:51
Trevor (Trevor Moore)

Oh, man, screamers are great. I took a couple last weekend because my parents got divorced.

0:55
Sam (Sam Brown)

Well, what do they do?

0:56
Trevor (Trevor Moore)

It makes it seem exactly like you're on a roller coaster ride.

1:00
Sam (Sam Brown)

Do they work?

1:01
Trevor (Trevor Moore)

Yeah, totally. I took some last weekend because of the divorce, and it was insane. Thing is, these things are pretty hard to come by. They're sort of rare, so it's going to be $5 a pill.

1:11
Sam (Sam Brown)

Well, I'll take one.

1:12
Zach (Zach Cregger)

Yeah, me too.

1:13
Darren (Darren Trumeter)

Me too.

1:13
Trevor (Trevor Moore)

All right. Looks like I've only got two screamers left, though. But I have one small world.

1:18
Darren (Darren Trumeter)

What does that do?

1:19
Trevor (Trevor Moore)

It makes it seem like you're on that lazy river ride where you see all the Dutchmen and Mexicans.

1:23
Darren (Darren Trumeter)

That's cool, man.

1:24
Trevor (Trevor Moore)

All right.

1:25
Sam (Sam Brown)

Awesome. Cool.

1:28
Trevor (Trevor Moore)

I'm going to go drink a beer and do some heavy petting with a girl in a truck.

1:32
Zach, Sam, Darren

Whoa.

1:33
Sam (Sam Brown)

He's so cool, man.

1:35
Zach (Zach Cregger)

Yeah. He's got an iPod Mini.

1:37
Sam (Sam Brown)

What color?

1:38
Zach (Zach Cregger)

Teal.

1:39
Sam (Sam Brown)

This is the best one.

1:40
Zach (Zach Cregger)

I know.

1:41
Zach (Zach Cregger)

All right. You guys ready to do drugs? Here we go. Here's a screamer for you, a screamer for me, and a small world for Caleb. OK. All right. Ready?

1:52
Sam, Zach, Darren

Here we go!

2:01
Sam (Sam Brown)

I think it's starting to work.

2:03
Sam (Sam Brown)

Yeah. These pills totally give you a boner!

2:03
Zach (Zach Cregger)

Really?

2:06
Trevor (Trevor Moore)

No, they don't, dude.

2:07
Sam (Sam Brown)

You're right. You're cool.

2:10
Zach (Zach Cregger)

OK. It probably takes a little bit for these things to kick in. So let's just take a load off and try and think about something else.

2:18
Sam (Sam Brown)

Did I tell you when I was over at Steve's house the other day?

2:21
Zach (Zach Cregger)

No.

2:22
Sam (Sam Brown)

We were playing video games, and his mom came home, and he was all like, oh, we need to clean up quick, guys, quick. And then, like, he went back and, like, shot us in the video game.

2:30
Zach (Zach Cregger)

That's lame.

2:31
Sam (Sam Brown)

Yeah, he's such a lame dude.

2:33
Sam (Sam Brown)

Whoa.

2:33
Zach (Zach Cregger)

Whoa.

2:34
Zach (Zach Cregger)

Do you feel something?

2:37
Sam (Sam Brown)

Yeah.

2:37
Zach (Zach Cregger)

It feels like we're going up.

2:39
Sam (Sam Brown)

We're going up.

2:40
Zach (Zach Cregger)

We're getting, like, higher.

2:41
Zach (Zach Cregger), Sam (Sam Brown)

We're getting high. We're getting high! We're getting high! Wooooo!

2:57
Darren (Darren Trumeter)

No, no. I don't feel that at all. It does feel like I'm moving at two or three miles an hour.

3:02
Zach (Zach Cregger), Sam (Sam Brown)

Tunnel! Ahhhhh!

3:10
Darren (Darren Trumeter)

Oh, Asians!

3:11
Zach (Zach Cregger)

Whoa! My seatbelt's coming undone! I'm falling out!

3:16
Sam (Sam Brown)

I got you buddy! Hey, my boner's back!

3:21
Zach (Zach Cregger)

I just realized something about you remind me to tell you later!

3:22
Darren (Darren Trumeter)

How much longer is this thing?

3:25
Mother (Timmy Williams)

Boys, I'm home from the church store.

3:27
Sam (Sam Brown)

My mom's home from the church door! Caleb, be cool!

3:30
Zach (Zach Cregger)

Be cool, Caleb!

3:31
Mother (Timmy Williams)

I saw that boy with the divorced parents outside. I don't want you guys hanging out with him.

3:35
Sam (Sam Brown)

You're welcome! How was the church store?

3:38
Mother (Timmy Williams)

Pretty good.

3:39
Sam (Sam Brown), Zach (Zach Cregger)

Ahhhhh!

3:43
Mother (Timmy Williams)

Oh by the by. Do you still have your ski boots?

3:46
Sam (Sam Brown)

I think so!

3:48
Mother (Timmy Williams)

I'd like you to go upstairs and try them on, because you've grown a lot since last winter, you know.

3:49
Sam (Sam Brown)

Can I do it later?

3:51
Mother (Timmy Williams)

I'm sorry?

3:52
Sam (Sam Brown)

The ski boots! Can I do it later!?

3:55
Mother (Timmy Williams)

Well, I suppose, but you know, you are going to need a new gloves, so we're going to have to go to the store later. Caleb, what are you doing?

4:04
Darren (Darren Trumeter)

Huh?

4:05
Mother (Timmy Williams)

Caleb Matthews, are you on drugs?

4:07
Sam (Sam Brown), Zach (Zach Cregger)

Caleb, you blew it!