theSketchDb

Daughters

derrickcomedy

9 1 rating

Sketch Info

Quotes

0:25
Agent (Dominic Dierkes)

God damn it, I'll be right there. I've gotta go.

0:29
Agent (DC Pierson)

You just got here.

0:30
Agent (DC Pierson)

Damn it, Winters... They have my daughter.

0:33
Agent (DC Pierson)

Your daughter's right there.

0:34
Agent (Dominic Dierkes)

No. My other daughter.

0:51
Agent (Dominic Dierkes)

I swear to God, if you harm one hair on her head, I'll-. They have my daughter.

0:57
Agent (DC Pierson)

They called you to remind you that they have your other daughter?

0:59
Agent (Dominic Dierkes)

No. Other terrorists have my other other daughter.

1:14
Agent (DC Pierson)

What do they want?

1:15
Agent (Dominic Dierkes)

They want me to kill my two original daughters.

1:18
Agent (DC Pierson)

You're not gonna do that. You just met this adopted daughter this morning.

1:21
Agent (Dominic Dierkes)

I have to! Or they'll use my adopted daughter as a bargaining chip to gain control of my four other daughters.

2:06
Agent (DC Pierson)

Where did this daughter come from?

2:07
Agent (Dominic Dierkes)

That's not my daughter! She's a surrogate mother who's pregnant with my daughter.

2:13
Agent (DC Pierson)

Why would you get a surrogate mother pregnant? You already have at least fifteen other daughters!

2:16
Agent (Dominic Dierkes)

It's a decoy daughter to distract the terrorists from my other daughters.

2:20
Agent (DC Pierson)

If it's a decoy, who cares?

2:22
Agent (Dominic Dierkes)

You don't understand! Inside the decoy is a chip with the location of at least twelve other daughters.

2:55
Agent (DC Pierson)

Alright, fuck this.

2:56
Agent (Dominic Dierkes)

I don't want to have to shoot you.

2:57
Agent (DC Pierson)

I don't want to shoot you either, but you're not giving me much of a choice.

3:00
Agent (Dominic Dierkes)

I... Can't shoot you! You're my daughter.

3:05
Agent (DC Pierson)

I'm not your daughter.

3:07
Agent (Dominic Dierkes)

But you are. You're the most important daughter of all.

3:11
Agent (DC Pierson)

I'm older than you.

3:12
Agent (Dominic Dierkes)

I had a mission that involved time travel.

3:14
Agent (DC Pierson)

I'm a man.

3:15
Agent (Dominic Dierkes)

The mission went horribly wrong.

3:18
Agent (DC Pierson)

Okay, just answer me this. Why do you have so many daughters?

3:22
Agent (Dominic Dierkes)

Okay, I want everyone to listen up because I'm only gonna say this once. Condoms feel weird.