Sketch Info
You may be living with an uncle, but you shouldn’t have to spend all day with them.
Cast & Characters
Quotes
Uncle (Hank Foley)
I got a hemorrhoid like a monkey knuckle.
Uncle (Tim Butterly)
Good morning, Miss Holly. My mom told me to say thank you for all the prayers for our iguana.
Daycare Provider (Kisha Elaine)
Wow, nice shirt. What sound does a wolf make?
Uncle (Shane Gillis)
Wolfs.
Daycare Provider (Kisha Elaine)
We give all the uncles a scratch-off ticket with their schedules on it.
Uncle (Hank Foley)
Yoga? God damn it. Fuck!
Daycare Provider (Kisha Elaine)
Okay, Uncle Tommy.
Daycare Provider (Kisha Elaine)
How old are these girls? Are any of them underage?
Uncle (Tommy Pope)
Yeah.
Well...
Daycare Provider (Kisha Elaine)
You can do this.
Uncle (Shane Gillis)
I know.
Daycare Provider (Kisha Elaine)
Okay. Go ahead.
Uncle (Shane Gillis)
They're all beautiful angels.
Right, but are any of them underage?
Uncle (Tommy Pope)
I don't know. So, I have to assume they're all underage.
Daycare Provider (Kisha Elaine)
Great job, Tommy. I'm so proud of you.
Uncle (Tommy Pope)
Yes, I'm proud of myself.
Daycare Provider (Kisha Elaine)
Remember guys, as developed as they may seem...
Uncle, Uncle, Uncle, Uncle, Uncle, Daycare Provider
It doesn't mean they're 18!
Uncle (Hank Foley)
This my computer? Where'd you guys get this laptop?
Uncle (Tim Butterly)
Yeah, so basically the Hunter Biden video from his laptop is fake, but it's actually him, but they gave him a fake, giant boner.
Daycare Provider (Kisha Elaine)
We read the uncles some books to help debunk some of their conspiracy theories. But I don't trust the vaccines, cried the rabbit. Oh, but you should, rabbit. They're safe, exclaimed Farmer Jim. If you don't take the vaccine, you won't be able to play with your rabbit friends anymore.
Uncle (Tim Butterly)
Yeah, all right, but what happens when the vaccine turns him gay, like what happened with me?
Daycare Provider (Kisha Elaine)
Well, remember, Uncle Tim, that's a conspiracy.
Uncle (Hank Foley)
Yeah, the vaccines don't make the rabbits gay. It makes them artistic, like painting and shit.
Female Uncle (Kilah Fox)
The farmer's giving the rabbit the vaccine so he can control his mind.
Daycare Provider (Kisha Elaine)
Here at our daycare... We have lady uncles, too.
Daycare Provider (Kisha Elaine)
With our lady uncles, we give them a pack of cigarettes, a robe, and a window they can look out of to keep an eye on things.
Female Uncle (Kilah Fox)
See these kids out here? Look at these kids.
Daycare Provider (Kisha Elaine)
They're just riding their bikes.
Female Uncle (Kilah Fox)
Yeah, from what country?
Uncle (Tommy Pope)
I got hit by an ice cream truck.
Daycare Provider (Kisha Elaine)
Kids don't try to kiss you all day.