theSketchDb

Bro Rape: A Newsline Investigative Report

derrickcomedy

7 1 rating

Sketch Info

Quotes

0:11
Bro Rapist (Donald Glover)

Alright, bro. I'm gonna take your pants off, okay?

0:46
Reporter (Dominic Dierkes)

A bro's an 18 to 24 year old male who wears Birkenstock sandals, watches Family Guy, plays Ultimate Frisbee, and wears an upside down visor or a baseball cap with a pre-fraid brim.

1:07
Reporter (Dominic Dierkes)

As a result, most bro rapes go unreported.

1:31
Reporter (Dominic Dierkes)

Internet chat rooms for bands like Dave Matthews, Jack Johnson, and Incubus have proven to be a hotbed for bro predators, looking to prey on unsuspecting bros with phrases like, chill, or dude let's just chill, or hey bro we're chillin', you wanna get some beers and chill?

2:19
Bro Rapist (Dan Gregor)

I was gonna tell Chad how not cool it is to invite bros he meets on the internet to his dorm.

2:40
Reporter (Dominic Dierkes)

Big black dildo.

2:43
Bro Rapist (Dan Gregor)

Xbox.

3:51
Reporter (Dominic Dierkes)

Can I read you instant message between familyguyfan84 and is that your screen name?

4:05
Reporter (Dominic Dierkes)

"So Chad Let's chill and play GameCube. By the way, bro, I always take my pants off to play GameCube. So I hope that's cool."

4:33
Familyguyfan84 (Bobby Moynihan)

I like to smell like an axe. That's not my fault.

4:47
Familyguyfan84 (Bobby Moynihan)

I don't understand what the problem is-

4:49
Reporter (Dominic Dierkes)

And a big black dildo.

4:50
Familyguyfan84 (Bobby Moynihan)

Okay, um... Look, you... I have bros at home that can't find out about... Okay, this is this.

5:02
Familyguyfan84 (Bobby Moynihan)

This is this is wrong. What you're doing here. Okay. It's not my fault. Okay. I know I know that I have a problem. Okay, I I know that I have a problem.

5:31
Reporter (Dominic Dierkes)

Sir, the police are outside.

5:32
Familyguyfan84 (Bobby Moynihan)

Why are the police outside? Why are the police outside? They should be inside. They should be inside a police station looking at the prints from fingers, okay?

6:08
Bro Rape Victim (DC Pierson)

You're just so pumped to be with the bros and everyone's just cheering and you're so excited. You don't even realize I just gave these guys four blowjobs, you know?

7:13
Reporter (Dominic Dierkes)

Did you- did you pour Axe Body Spray on this dildo?

7:19
Bro Rapist (Donald Glover)

Like a can and a half.

7:24
Bro Rapist (Donald Glover)

So Chad's not even real. You guys just- you played me like a sap... for the big scoop.