Sketch Info
In Dallas, during a visit from President John F. Kennedy (Zach), Vice President Lyndon Johnson (Sam) drops in on sniper Lee Harvey Oswald (Trevor) at the Dallas Book Depository, as part of a planned assassination, which throws Oswald off course and leads to an argument between them over how Oswald wants to carry the assassination out. Meanwhile, Kennedy is driven mad by his prodding wife, Jackie (Timmy), who requests that the driver of their car (Darren) play an incredibly annoying song. Oswald and Kennedy, both fed up with their current situations, sing a duet from afar, dreaming of a world where they can do what they want without trouble. Ultimately, someone else shoots Kennedy, and Oswald flees the scene upon prompting from Johnson.
Cast & Characters
Lee Harvey Oswald
Trevor Moore
· Cast
John F. Kennedy
Zach Cregger
· Cast
Lyndon B. Johnson
Sam Brown
· Cast
Jackie Kennedy
Timmy Williams
· Cast
Security Guard
Darren Trumeter
· Cast
Quotes
Lee Harvey Oswald (Trevor Moore)
How you doin'? How you doin'? How you doin'? I'm Jack Kennedy, President of the States! Oh my God! Fatality! Double kill!
Lyndon B. Johnson (Sam Brown)
Ready for the big day?
Lee Harvey Oswald (Trevor Moore)
Holy jeez, Lyndon Johnson, you scared me.
Lyndon B. Johnson (Sam Brown)
Guns loaded?
Lee Harvey Oswald (Trevor Moore)
Yes, the guns loaded. It's loaded with like a thousand bullets.
Jackie Kennedy (Timmy Williams)
Don't come crying to me when you freeze the back of your head off.
John F. Kennedy (Zach Cregger)
I'm not going to freeze the back of my head off.
Jackie Kennedy (Timmy Williams)
What's the name of that song that I like?
Security Guard (Darren Trumeter)
Oh, Chicky Picky, Chicky Picky, Yeah?
Jackie Kennedy (Timmy Williams)
Chicky Picky! Chicky Picky! Chicky Picky! Chicky Picky! Chicky Picky! Yeah!
John F. Kennedy (Zach Cregger)
This is humiliating. The people can hear you. You're the first lady, for Christ's sake! This song is terrible!
Lee Harvey Oswald (Trevor Moore)
I'm trying to do something nice for you, and you're just sitting there, eating potato chips. It's like you don't even care if I shoot this guy or not.
Lyndon B. Johnson (Sam Brown)
Hey!
Lee Harvey Oswald (Trevor Moore)
Look, I just want to be by myself for a little while, okay? Somewhere out in space, there is place where I can do what I want to and all at my own pace.
John F. Kennedy (Zach Cregger)
Somewhere out of time. I hope I'll find a place where I can just unwind and work on my own mind.
Lee Harvey Oswald (Trevor Moore), John F. Kennedy (Zach Cregger)
Oh, send me a signal. Oh, give me a prayer. I just need to know that there's some spot out there where I could be me and you could be you and we could be we. How great it would be where I could be me and you and we could be we.
Lee Harvey Oswald (Trevor Moore)
Ah! Someone else shot him!
Lyndon B. Johnson (Sam Brown)
Better run, boy.