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Underwater

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Sketch Info

Daddy's little girl Nancy (Zach) introduces her new beau d'Artagnan (Sam) to her parents, (Trevor and Timmy), only for her desires to “live underwater” with him to be shot down by her father, who claims they cannot survive without oxygen. Nancy however thinks it is because he doesn’t like d'Artagnan.

Quotes

0:11
Mother (Timmy Williams)

Honey, I went to get that lump checked out at the hospital today and they told me-

0:14
Father (Trevor Moore)

I said a quiet evening at home. Pipe, slippers, wife, game. I don't want to hear about what happened in your stupid soap opera.

0:25
Mother (Timmy Williams)

Well, I guess I'll just email you about the lump.

0:27
Father (Trevor Moore)

Thank you! Sheesh

0:43
Nancy (Zach Cregger)

D'Artagnan and I are getting married, Daddy, and we're going to live under the ocean.

1:01
Father (Trevor Moore)

You can't live on the ocean floor.

1:04
Nancy (Zach Cregger)

Yes, I can, Daddy. I'm 19 years old and you can't control me anymore.

1:59
D'Artagnan (Sam Brown)

Well, Mr. G, do I have your blessing to take your daughter's hand in marriage and go live underwater with her?

2:06
Father (Trevor Moore)

Okay, let me start small. D'Artagnan, what exactly makes you want to live underwater?

2:14
Nancy (Zach Cregger)

Whales are beautiful creatures.

2:27
Father (Trevor Moore)

Okay, I'm gonna skip logic. Nancy, I forbid you to live underwater.

2:31
Nancy (Zach Cregger)

I knew you were gonna say something like that, Daddy. You just don't like D'Artagnan because he never graduated high school and he only likes to do me doggy style.

2:50
D'Artagnan (Sam Brown)

Look Mr. G, there's some smarts you can't find in books. Like sea smarts. And I'll tell you something my sea smarts recognize. That when I look at your daughter, I see something more than just someone to do doggy style to.

3:03
Father (Trevor Moore)

Ahhh!

3:04
D'Artagnan (Sam Brown)

I see a beautiful tulip opening and blossoming. And just when you think it can't get any more beautiful, you look inside. and what do you see?

3:14
D'Artagnan (Sam Brown)

Golden diamonds. Golden sea diamonds, and then on the back of each one are little vaginas. That's what I see when I look at your daughter.

4:36
Mother (Timmy Williams)

Honey, I have breast cancer.

4:38
Father (Trevor Moore)

Am I the only one in this family that's not stupid? You can't get cancer in your breast. There's no bone there.

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