Bear Problems

To make things short, I will just confirm that yes, we do have a moon base, and yes, we are currently experiencing some bear problems.

Uh, yes. I have a ten, no, eleven part question.

I'm sorry, I only have time for two.

Alright, let me get this straight. So, the United States government is admitting that we do have a moon base, and that there is a bear problem on said moon base.

Yes, that is correct.

Alright, follow-up question? Are you fucking with us?

Um, how long have we had the moon base? And are these bears Earth bears or are they from the moon?

I'm sorry, I'm not at liberty to disclose how long we have had this moon base at this time. We do believe these to be Earth bears. We have no reason to believe these to be lunar bears or even Saturn bears.

There's Saturn bears?

I am also not at liberty to go into the various types of woodland life forms on Saturn or any of the other 12 planets.

Nine planets.

Right... I've said too much already.

We believe they may be involved in some sort of intergalactic drug cartel, perhaps affiliated with one of the, uh, interstellar wizard alliances.

Wizard alliances?

Just a thought, more of a shot in the dark, but, uh, we wouldn't happen to be invading Iran today, would we?

You got me. You got me.

I didn't think anything about it until the cartel thing. And I was like, what?

All right. Let's forget this whole thing. Who wants a drink? First round's on me. Come on.