Trent Reznor

Then I gave the guy an uppercut right there at the bar.

That is so hot. You sure he was gay?

Totally.

Oh my god, we're coming up on my ex-boyfriend's street.

Should I beat his ass?

No, it's not like that. You actually have heard of him probably. His name is Trent Reznor.

Oh yeah. Who is he again?

He's like the piano player for that band Nine Inch Nails. He's like some big stupid rock star or something.

Like Dave Matthews?

Yeah, kind of like Dave Matthews.

Wait, is he one of those musicians who wears like makeup and stuff?

Yeah, he's like totally goth now. It's pathetic. Check it out. I'm the one that did it to him.

Look, here's the picture of Trent two days before I dumped his ass.

Seems like a cool dude.

Okay, and now here's the picture of Trent two days after I dumped his ass.

Oh, whoa! F*g!

Totally, he totally is a total f*g.

So anyways, now sometimes when I get bored, I like to just drive over to his house and just drive him crazy. It's pretty fun. You want to try it?

I like fun.

Don't uppercut him or anything, baby. Leave this to me.

Is that the pizza? Golly, you guys should Ahhhh! Stephanie!

I was just in the neighborhood, so I thought I'd pop in and tell you that I'm probably totally in love with you again.

I knew this day would come! I never stopped believing. Stephanie, I love you too!

Psych, I'm just fucking with you, Trent. I think you're totally pathetic and weird.

Stephanie, why would you come here and do this to me again. (sobbing)

Because I want you to meet my new boyfriend. His name is Dirk and his dick is huge.

Guilty. Hey man, what's up? Nice to meet you.

Psych f*g.

Good one, Dirk. Kiss me.

I'm sorry. I gotta go. I have to channel my pain into my music. (sobbing)

He always does this. Uh, by the way, Trent, Dirk's a musician too, and he's probably totally better than you are.

Yeah, I know like almost every Sublime song on bass.

My God. Hey, Trent, your place looks like shit.

Yeah, this is what I imagine a girl vampire's house to look like.

I thought you were a pizza, but you were just my heartbreak! (singing)

So yeah, basically I just come over here every couple years or so and I give him a hard time and then he goes, makes an album, makes like a shit ton of money. It's kind of a win-win situation.

Yeah, I heard the Sublime guys always like to write music when they smoke weed.

Oh, oh, baby, wanna see him really turn on the waterworks? Take out your dick and then I'll call him into the room.

This'll be funny!

Dirk! Dirk! What a jerk! There's pigs everywhere! (singing)

Hey, Trent, I think the pizza guy's at the door!

Oh, finally! A pizza will help take my mind off the... ahhh!

I'm just kidding. I'm totally blowing my boyfriend!

Fuck you, nerd! Oh yeah!

So, sorry about all that music we put out. Hindsight's 20-20! We just hope you guys can all find it in your hearts to forgive us.

Anyway, the Grammy for best industrial slash emo album of the year goes to... Nine Inch Nails for the album Dirt the Pizza Jerk.