theSketchDb

Genie

9 2 ratings

Info

Billy Masterson (Timmy) gets his own genie (Sam), who is forced to carry out his three wishes - to kill his teacher, to let him have sex with 12th grader Megan Weldley, and to become President of the United States of America.

Quotes

0:04
Timmy Williams

I gotta find some stuff for the yard sale! Oh my god! A lamp!

0:15
Genie (Trevor Moore)

At last! I'm free from the lamp's confines. I was in that thing for quite a long time.

0:22
Timmy Williams

Wow! A rhyming magic genie!

0:25
Genie (Trevor Moore)

No, actually that was just a mistake. But now you have three wishes to make.

0:31
Timmy Williams

Wow! You rhymed again!

0:33
Genie (Trevor Moore)

Oh I did, didn't I? But I assure you that was just an accident... oh me, oh my.

0:40
Timmy Williams

You totally did that on purpose.

0:42
Genie (Trevor Moore)

No I didn't.... No I didn't.

0:47
Timmy Williams

Fuck this, I'm getting another genie.

0:53
Genie (Zach Cregger)

Yeah baby! Yeah!

0:55
Timmy Williams

That is so outdated.

0:57
Genie (Zach Cregger)

Wait a minute, somebody took my idea for a movie?

0:59
Timmy Williams

You mean Austin Powers?

1:01
Genie (Zach Cregger)

Austin Powers! That was my idea!

1:03
Timmy Williams

Fuck this, I'm getting another genie.

1:05
Genie (Zach Cregger)

Mini me, Dr. Evil, did they do that stuff?!

1:08
Genie (Darren Trumeter)

Hey kid, I'm Darren, your genie.

1:11
Timmy Williams

Eh.

1:16
Timmy Williams

Now we're talking!

1:18
Genie (Sam Brown)

Helloooo kid!

1:22
Timmy Williams

Helloooo Genie!

1:25
Timmy Williams

So I get three wishes, right?

1:26
Genie (Sam Brown)

That's right. You are the lucky recipient of three magic wishes. These wishes may drastically change your life. So think long and hard about what you really want and what may improve your existence. And then make your choice.

1:42
Timmy Williams

I want my teacher dead!

1:48
Genie (Sam Brown)

Look, I want you to know I really don't feel comfortable doing this.

1:52
Timmy Williams

I don't give a flying fuck. Shoot.

1:54
Genie (Sam Brown)

Never even used one of these before.

1:56
Timmy Williams

It's easy. That's the business end. Point it at the target and go to work.

2:01
Genie (Sam Brown)

But it'll make her die.

2:03
Timmy Williams

And that's my wish. Now do it.

2:07
Genie (Sam Brown)

Okay. Okay. You can do this. You can do this. You're a fucking genie for Christ's sake.

2:21
Genie (Sam Brown)

Did we get her?

2:22
Timmy Williams

Oh, you fucking got her.

2:26
Timmy Williams

Now about my second wish. I want to have sex with Megan Wellbley.

2:31
Genie (Sam Brown)

Who's that?

2:32
Timmy Williams

She's the hottest girl in school. She's a senior.

2:35
Genie (Sam Brown)

Kid, I don't know.

2:36
Timmy Williams

You're a genie. You have to make it happen. That's the rule.

2:43
Genie (Sam Brown)

Hi...

2:44
Megan Wellbley (Darren Trumeter)

What do you want?

2:45
Genie (Sam Brown)

Well, I don't know if you've noticed any of the freshmen this year or anything, but I have this friend who's really cool, and he thinks you're really pretty.

2:56
Genie (Darren Trumeter)

It's just some smurf!

2:59
Genie (Sam Brown)

Actually, I'm a genie.

3:04
Genie (Sam Brown)

Kid, get in! The talks didn't go so well.

3:09
Timmy Williams

So about my third wish...

3:11
Genie (Sam Brown)

What could you possibly want now?

3:15
Timmy Williams

I want to be President of the United States of America.

3:20
Genie (Sam Brown)

Kid, that's gonna take a long time. I mean, we're gonna have to start all grassroots and kids aren't even eligible. Plus, it's gonna be tough since you just raped that woman.

3:32
Timmy Williams

Or maybe I could wish that there were no more genies.

3:36
Genie (Sam Brown)

No, no, no. I'll do it. Fucking psycho.

3:45
Genie (Sam Brown)

Hi, my name is Genie Simmons, and I'm here to talk to you about Proposition 26-2A, which if voted for, would enable children to run for president, and I just would like...

3:58
Genie (Sam Brown)

Hi, I'd like to talk to you about electing Billy Masterson to city council.

4:02
Genie (Sam Brown)

Hi, I'd like to talk to you about Councilman Billy Masterson's campaign for mayor.

4:06
Genie (Sam Brown)

Hi, I'd like to talk to you about our adorable child senator, Billy Masterson. Well, he's decided to take a run for the Oval Office.

4:36
Genie (Sam Brown)

Well, kid, guess this is goodbye.

4:38
Timmy Williams

We've had some times, haven't we, Genie?

4:41
Genie (Sam Brown)

Yeah.

4:42
Timmy Williams

My bitch teacher's dead, I got some sweet puss, and now I'm the leader of the free world!

4:48
Genie (Sam Brown)

Picked up smoking. My doctor says I have an ulcer.

5:02
Timmy Williams

Ha! Yeah!