theSketchDb

Grapist

10 2 ratings

Info

At a boardroom meeting, an executive (Zach) finds a commercial for Fizzy-Pops Grape Blast soda questionable, as he alleges that it alludes to rape - much to the disbelief and chagrin of the head of the boardroom (Trevor). It doesn't seem to help that the mascot (Sam) is named the Grapist.

Quotes

0:06
The Grapist (Sam Brown)

Ahhhhhh! You kids look like you could use a delicious fruity beverage!

0:14
The Grapist (Sam Brown)

Might I suggest Fizzy Pops' grape blast? The new soda from Johnson and Hedges.

0:19
The Grapist (Sam Brown)

Open wide kids, because I'm going to grape you in the mouth!

0:30
Zach Cregger

He's going to what them... in the mouth?

0:32
Trevor Moore

He's going to grape them.

0:34
Zach Cregger

He's going to grape them?

0:36
Trevor Moore

Yeah, in the mouth.

0:39
Zach Cregger

Right.

0:40
Darren Trumeter

Sure.

0:41
Trevor Moore

There's more.

0:43
Zach Cregger

I'm sorry. Alright, well I'm not sure that I'm comfortable. with the catchphrase: "I'm gonna grape you in the mouth" for our new mascot. I mean...

0:53
Darren Trumeter

We're just not sure about that one.

0:54
Timmy Williams

Yeah, we might want to workshop at a touch.

0:57
Trevor Moore

Really? Why? That's his thing. He grapes people. He grapes people in the mouth.

1:03
Darren Trumeter

We're just not exactly sure that that is...

1:05
Trevor Moore

He sneaks into little kids' rooms in the middle of the night, and he grapes them in the mouth.

1:10
Zach Cregger

Okay, see, because I think that the reason that I'm a little hesitant is because to me, it sounds like he's saying... to me, it sounds like he's saying he's going to... rape them.

1:25
Trevor Moore

What? Aw! Oh! No! No, no, no, no, no! What? Oh!

1:31
Zach Cregger

I'm sorry! It's-

1:32
Trevor Moore

Sir! Get your mind out of the gutter! He's a grape! How is a grape gonna rape a kid? What are you talking about?

1:41
Zach Cregger

But it sounds like-

1:43
Darren Trumeter

It's a grape commercial, sir.

1:45
Timmy Williams

I love it! He, like, grapes the kids!

1:48
Zach Cregger

Okay, I mean... If I'm in the minority here, we can keep going.

1:55
The Grapist (Sam Brown)

Come here, kids! I'm gonna tie you to the radiator and grape ya!

1:59
Zach Cregger

Okay.

2:00
Trevor Moore

What? Why'd you stop it?

2:02
Zach Cregger

I'm gonna tie you to the radiator and grape you.

2:06
Trevor Moore

What?

2:07
Zach Cregger

I'm going to rape you!

2:08
Trevor Moore

(gasps in fear)

2:09
Zach Cregger

No, that's what it sounds like he's saying!

2:11
Timmy Williams

I love it!

2:12
Trevor Moore

Are you back on this rape thing again?

2:14
Zach Cregger

Why was he gonna tie them to a radiator?

2:17
Trevor Moore

That's how he grapes people. That's what he does.

2:20
Zach Cregger

No!

2:21
Trevor Moore

He's the Grapist.

2:23
Zach Cregger

The Grapist?! That's his name?

2:25
Timmy Williams

The Grapist! Classic!

2:27
Zach Cregger

This is obviously a rape scenario.

2:30
Trevor Moore

Why are you trying to twist a children's soda commercial into your weird, sick, sort of twisted, pervy...

2:39
Zach Cregger

Why were they running? Why was that child screaming, Mom?

2:42
Trevor Moore

Well, that kid is a horrible actor and the next time we shoot the commercial we're gonna use somebody else because the thing is...

2:48
Zach Cregger

These kids were obviously horrified.

2:50
Trevor Moore

Not that girl. Look, she's totally asking for it.

2:53
Zach Cregger

What?

2:54
Trevor Moore

Look at her. She's begging to get graped.

2:58
Zach Cregger

Will you listen to yourself?

3:00
Trevor Moore

Look what she's wearing.

3:02
Zach Cregger

Look what she's wearing?

3:05
Trevor Moore

It's purple.

3:07
Zach Cregger

Oh. Okay. No! No! No!

3:11
Timmy Williams

Grape those kids! I love it!

3:13
Trevor Moore

Look. Do you guys want the commercial or not?

3:15
Zach Cregger

Yes, we want the commercial. Of course we want the commercial.

3:18
Darren Trumeter

We want it.

3:19
Timmy Williams

Here's the paperwork.

3:20
Zach Cregger

I just have some serious reservations about this whole thing.

3:22
Timmy Williams

Do you mind?

3:23
Trevor Moore

No, not at all.

3:25
Trevor Moore

Buy some today and get a free grape whistle.

3:29
Zach Cregger

A grape whistle? Really?

3:31
The Grapist (Sam Brown)

Okay, when I finish graping you, I'm gonna go upstairs and I'm gonna grape your mother and your father, and then I'm gonna take your whole family down to the basement and grape you all for decades and decades and decades!

3:40
Zach Cregger

See, I think this is too much. I think it's too much.

3:43
Timmy Williams

Shhh.