Ronald Reagan
The Whitest Kids U’ Know
Ronald Reagan
Info
President Ronald Reagan (Zach) would rather talk with fans about movies than work on political issues. John Hinckley Jr. (Trevor) is told by a talking dog to shoot President Reagan - but the dog is actually a mechanical decoy set up by Vice President George H.W. Bush (Sam) in an attempt to assume the presidency. John ends up getting distracted and begins talking about movies with the exasperated dog (Bush), until John mentions Jodie Foster in Taxi Driver . The dog (Bush) claims to know Jodie Foster, and that he’ll “get [Foster] to blow [John]” if he shoots Reagan, a deal to which he agrees.
Cast & Characters
Ronald Reagan
Zach Cregger
· Cast
John Hinckley Jr.
Trevor Moore
· Cast
George Bush Sr.
Sam Brown
· Cast
Bodyguard
Darren Trumeter
· Cast
Quotes
Ronald Reagan (Zach Cregger)
Hold on now. I'm talking about the movies. I quite like those Star Wars movies. I quite like those Star Wars movies.
Ronald Reagan (Zach Cregger)
Now, hold on. I think I might do a pretty mean Han Solo impersonation. There's stormtroopers around! Watch it, Joey!
Bodyguard (Darren Trumeter)
Mr. President, we have a very important meeting about how to stop the unprecedented rise of AIDS this decade.
Ronald Reagan (Zach Cregger)
Oh, fuck all that shit! I'm talking about the movies! Yeah! Movie! Movies and me! Me movie!
John Hinckley Jr. (Trevor Moore)
There sure are an awful lot of people around them. They're probably all gonna be hopping mad if I go and shoot the President of the United States.
George Bush Sr. (Sam Brown)
What? Nahhh.
John Hinckley Jr. (Trevor Moore)
I'm starting to think I'm a crazy person for even considering something like this.
George Bush Sr. (Sam Brown)
You? John Hinckley? Crazy? Don't be ridiculous. Let me tell you what would be crazy. Finding a talking dog on your doorstep one morning and not doing everything it tells you to do.
John Hinckley Jr. (Trevor Moore)
Yeah, I guess you're right.
George Bush Sr. (Sam Brown)
Of course I'm right. Now don't be a crazy person and go and shoot the president in the fucking face!
CIA Agent
I think he's buying it, Vice President George Bush.
John Hinckley Jr. (Trevor Moore)
Doggie, why do you have two voices?
George Bush Sr. (Sam Brown)
Nothing. I'm just possessed with demons. Like in the Exorcist.
John Hinckley Jr. (Trevor Moore)
Oh my God! That movie is so... Scary! The first time I saw it, I couldn't watch a little girl sleeping in a bed for months.
Ronald Reagan (Zach Cregger)
Oh we're getting a Death Star!
John Hinckley Jr. (Trevor Moore)
John, John Hinkley, listen to the possessed dog. It's from Taxi Driver. Have you seen that movie? It is so good. Jodie Foster's in it and she's like super cute.
George Bush Sr. (Sam Brown)
Hey, I know Jodie Foster.
John Hinckley Jr. (Trevor Moore)
You do?
George Bush Sr. (Sam Brown)
Yeah, and I'll get her to blow you if you'll shoot the goddamn president in the face so I can fucking be president.
John Hinckley Jr. (Trevor Moore)
Okay, sounds good!
George Bush Sr. (Sam Brown)
God, people fucking love movies.