theSketchDb

Jerkocaust

9 2 ratings

Info

In the year 2027, the Nazis (Timmy, Trevor) are on the hunt for jerks, not Jews. When they suspect a citizen (Zach) of harboring a jerk (Sam), they bring in a nerd (Darren) in an attempt to coax out the jerk.

Quotes

0:26
Jerk (Sam Brown)

Hey, f*g face. Shitter's broke.

0:29
Zach Cregger

Are you serious?

0:30
Jerk (Sam Brown)

Yeah. There's poop water all over the floor.

0:33
Zach Cregger

I just unclogged that. What have you been eating?

0:36
Jerk (Sam Brown)

I ate all those nachos in the kitchen.

0:38
Zach Cregger

Those were my nachos. I was saving those nachos.

0:41
Jerk (Sam Brown)

Finders keepers, brah.

0:43
Zach Cregger

You know, I really wish that you would appreciate the risk that I'm taking here.

0:48
Jerk (Sam Brown)

Too bad.

0:49
Zach Cregger

Look, if they find you, I'm gonna get in just as much trouble as you are, you know? And I don't want to come down on you. I like having you here. I just... I wish you would respect my house.

1:01
Jerk (Sam Brown)

Do you want some cheese with that whine?

1:03
Zach Cregger

I don't even know what that means.

1:06
Nazi (Timmy Williams)

Nazis!

1:07
Zach Cregger

Oh shit! It's the Nazis!

1:10
Jerk (Sam Brown)

Who?

1:11
Jerk (Sam Brown)

It's the fucking guys that are coming! Just get in the closet!

1:14
Jerk (Sam Brown)

Please get in the closet.

1:16
Jerk (Sam Brown)

Please get in the closet or we're gonna die. Thank you.

1:19
Jerk (Sam Brown)

Alright, but I'm only standing there for five minutes tops. Your closet sucks.

1:27
Nazi (Timmy Williams)

Ello, we are your local Nazis.

1:33
Nazi (Timmy Williams)

We apologize for the intrusion, but we received a tip that you are harboring jerks here.

1:42
Zach Cregger

You did! Really? No, guys, sorry, no jerks here.

1:50
Nazi (Trevor Moore)

Oh, I noticed that you have left some pornography out on your living room table.

1:59
Zach Cregger

Yeah, that's, um, that's mine. That's my stuff.

2:05
Nazi (Trevor Moore)

This is not your run-of-the-mill pornography either. This is some very heavy stuff. Whips. Lactation?

2:19
Nazi (Timmy Williams)

You know, in some of our research, we have found that jerks tend to leave their hardcore pornography laying all over the place!

2:28
Zach Cregger

Yeah, but see, I just didn't know that you guys were going to be coming over, so that's... That's why that's mine.

2:35
Nazi (Trevor Moore)

So, are you a jerk?

2:42
Zach Cregger

Am I a jerk? No! I'm not at all. I'm not.

2:46
Zach Cregger

I'm your, you know, I'm more like your meek, kind of shy pervert... and, you know, right before you guys came over, I was getting ready to masturbate with that stuff.

3:03
Nazi (Timmy Williams)

To jerk off?

3:06
Zach Cregger

No, haha. No, to Hitler-off, really.

3:12
Nazi (Trevor Moore)

Good.

3:13
Nazi (Timmy Williams)

Very well. Come, Hans! Let us continue our search for the Ark of the Covenant.

3:19
Nazi (Trevor Moore)

Yes, very well.

3:22
Jerk (Sam Brown)

(fart) Safety.

3:25
Nazi (Trevor Moore)

What was that?

3:28
Zach Cregger

I was just saying have a safe trip.

3:34
Nazi (Timmy Williams)

I do not think you are wishing us a safe journey. I'm thinking that you are hiding a jerk here.

3:40
Zach Cregger

No, I'm not. There's not a jerk here.

3:43
Nazi (Trevor Moore)

Then you wouldn't mind if we were to release a nerd... into your house, would you?

3:52
Zach Cregger

A nerd? Guys, there's no reason to bring a nerd here.

3:56
Nazi (Trevor Moore)

Nerd! Here!

3:57
Zach Cregger

Oh, God.

4:00
Nerd (Darren Trumeter)

It's so cold in the car, but I didn't want to roll down the windows with all the allergens and the sky and everything, and I heard on AM radio that-

4:08
Nazi (Timmy Williams)

Nerd! Silence!

4:10
Nazi (Trevor Moore)

Go be nerdy around the house.

4:13
Nazi (Timmy Williams)

Start by the closet!

4:16
Nerd (Darren Trumeter)

Okay, I mean, I really don't know what you guys want me to do.

4:19
Nazi (Trevor Moore)

Oh, just be yourself. Talk about whatever comes to your mind.

4:27
Nerd (Darren Trumeter)

Well, it's damp in here.

4:29
Jerk (Sam Brown)

Oh.

4:32
Nerd (Darren Trumeter)

Hey, do you guys want to hear about the new webcomic that I'm writing? It's about the talking heads, and they go around solving all these mysteries, just like in the X-Files.

4:40
Jerk (Sam Brown)

Ohhh

4:52
Nerd (Darren Trumeter)

Do you guys want to see my impression of Heath Ledger's Joker?

4:55
Jerk (Sam Brown)

Ahhhh!

4:59
Zach Cregger

My closet!

5:03
Nazi (Timmy Williams)

All right, jerk! We know you're in there! You're coming with us!

5:06
Jerk (Sam Brown)

All right. I'm gonna come out of the closet but not like come out of the closet cuz like I'm totally into chicks.

5:15
Jerk (Sam Brown)

F*gs suck it but not like suck mine, but you know... whatever.

5:28
Nazi (Trevor Moore)

Get in the car!

5:29
Jerk (Sam Brown)

Shotgun!

5:30
Nazi (Timmy Williams)

Ooh, they always get me with that.

5:32
Nazi (Trevor Moore)

The jerks always call shotgun