theSketchDb

Mission Impossible

8 2 ratings

Info

A mission briefing includes a bulldog and a handjob.

Quotes

0:05
Trevor Moore

Agent Michelle Pfeiffer.

0:08
Michael Piper (Sam Brown)

That's Michael Piper.

0:13
Trevor Moore

Oh... sorry, it's dark in here.

0:59
Trevor Moore

Then you'll enter a room where there will be laser sensors that you'll have to slide under. After that, you'll have to give a bulldog a hand job.

1:06
Trevor Moore

Then enter the password onto the door reader.

1:08
Michael Piper (Sam Brown)

Pause. Can we go back to the bulldog?

1:12
Trevor Moore

No. After you give the bulldog a handjob, keep going down the hallway. Do not go back. He may follow you.

1:18
Michael Piper (Sam Brown)

Wait, no, no. That's not what I mean. Why do I have to give a dog a handjob?

1:22
Trevor Moore

That's how you open the door. It's the latest in high-tech security.

1:36
Michael Piper (Sam Brown)

Wait, so why do I have to jerk off a dog to get into the next room?

1:40
Trevor Moore

Because he'll ejaculate the password.

1:45
Michael Piper (Sam Brown)

So you're telling me I'm gonna have to give a dog a tug job today?

1:49
Trevor Moore

Well, you have to get the dog to ejaculate. It can be tricky to get this dog to finish using just your hands.

1:55
Michael Piper (Sam Brown)

What?

1:56
Trevor Moore

Sometimes he goes soft after a couple of minutes.

1:59
Trevor Moore

Oh, it's important not to accidentally swallow the password because then you'll have to wait a half hour for him to be ready to try again.

2:05
Michael Piper (Sam Brown)

Yeah, I'm not doing this.

2:07
Trevor Moore

Come on, Agent Piper. Your country needs you.

2:09
Michael Piper (Sam Brown)

Yeah, I don't care. I haven't given a dog a hand job in my life. I'm not starting today.

2:13
Trevor Moore

Oh, come on. We need somebody to do it.

2:16
Michael Piper (Sam Brown)

Did you try Tom Cruise?

2:17
Trevor Moore

He's on vacation in Thailand.

2:19
Michael Piper (Sam Brown)

See, he's probably giving dogs freebies right now.

2:22
Trevor Moore

I know.

2:23
Michael Piper (Sam Brown)

He's probably paying for it.

2:24
Trevor Moore

That's why this is so frustrating.