Info
A homeless man (Zach) and his family (Darren and Timmy) yell at a camera about how their toddler daughter got them evicted from their apartment. It isn't long before it's discovered that the homeless man is found out to be a lunatic making it all up, as there are no cameras nor a wife and son, although the daughter is present. A nearby bakery worker (Trevor) calls the cops when the homeless man flees the scene.
Cast & Characters
Quotes
Zach Cregger
Hello! My family and I live in garbage!
Darren Trumeter
We used to live in an apartment with beds and walls and dogs and a roof!
Zach Cregger
But now we live in a big pile of garbage!
Timmy Williams
I sleep in trash and condoms!
Zach Cregger
Why do we live in a pile of garbage? Because three weeks ago, when His Holiness rode past on the great black steed, somebody forgot to bow!
Darren Trumeter
So now we have to live in a big pile of garbage!
Zach Cregger
I went to work smelling like a dead fish and got fired!
Darren Trumeter
Every morning I have to wash my hands with a mixture of homeless ejaculate and grease!
Zach Cregger
That's right! Now my wife has to wash her hands with my ejaculate!
Timmy Williams
The kids at school won't talk to me because I have bugs in my hair! They call me Bugs Hair!
Zach Cregger
My eldest son Nathaniel has to wait in line at the Holy Debasing Center! so that in three weeks on Debasing Day, he can grovel at the feet of he who cannot be named in the hopes that we are granted forgiveness!
Zach Cregger
Then maybe we can move back into our apartment and fuckface over there can think of some new way to ruin our lives!
Trevor Moore
Um, excuse me. It's, uh, it's just that it's about 9:30 and we're about to open up shop, so you could just keep it down.
Zach Cregger
I'm talking to the cameras!
Trevor Moore
Right. Well, all the same-
Zach Cregger
The king said my family and I have to live in garbage!
Trevor Moore
Yeah...
Zach Cregger
My wife has to wash her hands with my ejaculate!
Trevor Moore
Okay, sir, if you don't leave soon, I'm gonna have to let the dog out again.
Zach Cregger
Oh, that motherfucker! He tried to kill me! He tried to kill me!
Trevor Moore
Hi, hello, this is Bill from Sahara Desserts. Yeah, I think you should send somebody down here. And he's back again, and this time he's got a very little girl with him.