Honey I'm In Therapy

I remember one time he was obsessed with miniaturization and made this laser that accidentally shrunk me and my sister. We were lost in the backyard for days.

That must have been a very confusing time for you.

It was. We were almost eaten by a scorpion 30 times bigger than us. It killed our aunt.

Were you and your aunt close?

Yeah, I mean, we used to ride its thorax and pet its feelers. We ate out of an Oreo together.

Let's get back to your father.

Well, years later, he blew up my baby brother with a growth ray. He grew to be 150 times the size of a man that went on a rampage in Vegas.

Wait, wait, your father or your brother?

My brother.

I see.

I'm sure you probably saw it on the news. The giant baby that destroyed Vegas.

Yes, I vaguely remember hearing something about that, yes.

Sometimes when he was drunk, he would blow up his penis bigger than a sleeping bag and chase our mother around the house with it.

One night when he was being particularly bad, she used the laser against him, turning him smaller than a germ.

I suppose he's dead now. But some nights, I wake up thinking... maybe he's inside me.

Maybe he's turning my body against me. Cell by cell. A cancer virus. A virus that is my own. AH!

Oh! Jesus!

I fucking got you, you fucker!

Don't do that.

I can't believe you fell for that. Haven't you even seen those movies?

What movies?

You know, honey, I blew up those little kids or something. I don't know. You're an idiot.

You owe me $300.

You believed me, you dumb shit.