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Saint Peter

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Info

St. Peter fields hypotheticals on morality for the rapture.

Quotes

0:18
St. Peter (Trevor Moore)

My name is Saint Peter, and you have all been part of a rapture. Yeah, we've been talking about it for a long time, but we finally got around to doing it.

0:27
St. Peter (Trevor Moore)

And that means that the world is over and we've taken everybody up here and now we have to judge everyone and decide who goes to heaven and who goes to hell.

0:45
St. Peter (Trevor Moore)

One thing that would actually make things go a lot smoother and run through a lot faster is if all the Muslims would get over into that line over.

1:37
Zach Cregger

Hey, can I be cured of my addiction to crack?

1:39
St. Peter (Trevor Moore)

You're not a baby.

1:41
Zach Cregger

I was once.

1:44
Sam Brown

Saint Peter, what if I never told a lie in my whole life?

1:50
St. Peter (Trevor Moore)

Then that would be good, so heaven.

1:54
Sam Brown

What if I just lied right there?

2:54
St. Peter (Trevor Moore)

I led a good life. I never hurt anybody, I never cheated, I didn't steal anything, and I never had impure thoughts. And then last night, I was walking through the park, and a guy came up and mugged me, and then he shot me. But right before he shot me, he said, think of boobies. I don't think that's fair.

3:12
Civillian

What about this? I killed a man because he claimed he was Jesus.

3:17
St. Peter (Trevor Moore)

Well, that's good. That would be blasphemy.

3:20
Civillian

No, no, no! I believed him!

4:11
Civillian

(mouth clicking)

4:13
St. Peter (Trevor Moore)

No, no, no. Stop it. Stop it. That's not gonna work. That's not... I know you're lying.