Sketch Info
Donald Glover delivers a bold and satirical monologue as disgraced golf star Tiger Woods, poking fun at the media frenzy surrounding Woods' real-life sex scandal in the late 2000s.
Cast & Characters
Quotes
Tiger Woods (Donald Glover)
I'm here to set the record straight. I'm Tiger Woods... and I fuck bitches.
Tiger Woods (Donald Glover)
There's a lot of dudes that fuck bitches. I fuck the most, and I don't go for the high type either, oh no. No high class here. I fuck Chilli's waitresses.
Tiger Woods (Donald Glover)
Sometimes I just go to big lots. Pick up the biggest girl I can find. Get her to call a dog the n-word until I cum.
Tiger Woods (Donald Glover)
I want a tiny midget girl. I'm going to glue horns to her head. She's going to ram me like a bull.
Tiger Woods (Donald Glover)
I want the sloppiest, grossest girl I can get. And I want to make her jerk off to a dog pooping on a glass table. Then I make the kid who wrote Chocolate Rain watch that. And if he gets off to it, then I can cum.