Thomas Jefferson

0:20

Thomas Jefferson (DC Pierson)

Yeah, um, people want to know, how are you still alive? How is this possible? I just want to talk about my music.

0:32

Interviewer (Donald Glover)

Jefferson claims that he only re-emerged to promote his light rock band, Thomas Jefferson and the Sailaway Boys.

0:39

Thomas Jefferson (DC Pierson)

First time I saw the guys was a hotel bar in Florida. I was there for inscrutable reasons. It would only make sense to an ageless being. But what I was really taken aback by was these guys, they were just laying down some of the smoothest jams probably ever. I mean, they'd really like work themselves up into just like a real honeyed funk, you know?

1:06

Thomas Jefferson (DC Pierson)

Are you guys hearing this out there? Jerry is getting into some really hot licks. It's just like peeling them off, one after the other. How many licks do you want? Carving it off the bone, you know?

1:24

Thomas Jefferson (DC Pierson)

And on vocals, traveling through infinite revolutions of time until he finds the critical inconsistency? Yours truly, Thomas Jefferson.

1:37

Thomas Jefferson (DC Pierson)

Or I could tell you whether or not time is linear.

1:40

Interviewer (Donald Glover)

Is it linear? Or is it cyclical? Because it seems like it's cyclical from what you've been saying.

1:45

Thomas Jefferson (DC Pierson)

Well, if you think those are the only two options...

1:51

Jerry "Hot Licks" Appleton (Dominic Dierkes)

I was with him the morning of 9-11, and he said "Three, two, one..." and then it happened.

2:06

Thomas Jefferson (DC Pierson)

I don't know. I mean, nations get founded every single day. It's not interesting, but what Jerry's doing out there, that is the really, really good stuff.

2:26

Interviewer (Donald Glover), Thomas Jefferson (DC Pierson)

At least explain why your clothes haven't aged.

2:31

Thomas Jefferson (DC Pierson)

Sorry, I experience all moments simultaneously, so I like to do what I call a reality sing-along. It's like karaoke, but with people's lives and decisions.

2:43

Interviewer (Donald Glover)

Karaoke has much lower stakes.

2:45

Jerry "Hot Licks" Appleton (Dominic Dierkes)

He keeps calling my little nephew Future Hitler.

2:55

Thomas Jefferson (DC Pierson)

Hey, Thomas Jefferson, who's buried in your tomb if you're here? Is it some sort of negative or dark version of you who you'll have to battle during the final iteration to quiet the chiming of the infinity bell? Gee, I don't know, is it?

3:08

Interviewer (Donald Glover)

I think you do know, and you're being sarcastic.

3:11

Thomas Jefferson (DC Pierson)

You know what? Maybe don't worry about me. Maybe get screened for colon cancer.

3:16

Interviewer (Donald Glover)

Are you insinuating I have colon cancer?

3:22

Interviewer (Donald Glover)

Did you just give me colon cancer?

3:24

Thomas Jefferson (DC Pierson)

Let's just say I took away any chance that you don't have it.

3:32

Thomas Jefferson (DC Pierson)

It was gonna be May 8th, but no one should be in Chapel Hill on May 8th unless your house is hurricane-proof.

3:37

Interviewer (Donald Glover)

Are you saying there's gonna be a hurricane?

3:38

Thomas Jefferson (DC Pierson)

Whoops! Should've talked to me 6,000 time cycles ago when I gave a damn.

3:43

Interviewer (Donald Glover)

So you don't care about human life. It's just Jerry's hot licks.

3:46

Thomas Jefferson (DC Pierson)

Look, man, I'm Thomas fucking Jefferson, okay? You think I don't know that this band is garbage?

3:52

Thomas Jefferson (DC Pierson)

I've been around forever, and I've seen the entirety of human history play out again and again. And the only thing that's different? I mean, the only thing is Jerry's mediocre light jazz guitar playing.

4:04

Thomas Jefferson (DC Pierson)

It's so crappy in such a different way every time, and yet it affects nothing. It's like a stone that falls into a pond, and yet there are no ripples.

4:14

Thomas Jefferson (DC Pierson)

It's the only thing that still surprises me. That, and we're fucking each other.