Sketch Info
Trevor visits a second grade class and talks to the kids about conspiracy theories concerning President Bush.
Cast & Characters
Quotes
Child
I want to be an astronaut.
Trevor (Trevor Moore)
Oh, you want to be an astronaut? Well, that's great. You can be an astronaut. All you have to do is study flying or science and maybe someday you could be the first astronaut to walk on the moon.
Child, Child
No!
Child
There already was an astronaut who first walked on the moon.
Trevor (Trevor Moore)
Well, no, not really. That wasn't real. Uh, see, there was this thing called the Cold War, and in order to beat the Russians, we kind of faked that. That never happened.
Trevor (Trevor Moore)
See how there's no windows on the side? And see underneath where there's like a pod thing? What's that, right?
Trevor (Trevor Moore)
Take a look at this wreckage. See how there's no plane parts on the ground there? What does that look like?
Child
A missile.
Trevor (Trevor Moore)
You see, President Bush was in a secret society at Yale called the Skull and Bones. His dad was too, and they all worship Satan.
Child
President Bush worships Satan?
Trevor (Trevor Moore)
In my personal opinion, absolutely.
Trevor (Trevor Moore)
And one of the Skull and Bones initiation rituals is that to get in, you have to lie naked in a coffin and masturbate in front of the older members.
Trevor (Trevor Moore)
But the really messed up thing is that since former President Bush, Bush Senior, was also a member, he requested to be there to watch his son's initiation.
Trevor (Trevor Moore)
So he watched his own son masturbate. President Bush masturbated in front of his dad. Yeah, it's pretty gross.