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European History: 1620

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Sketch Info

Part 1 of European History

A re-enactment of the interaction between Europeans and Indians in 1620 makes the Indians look like jerks.

Quotes

0:12
Indian (Darren Trumeter)

Oh, I'm so bored.

0:14
Indian (Sam Brown)

Me too, Running Bear.

0:16
Indian (Darren Trumeter)

I hate all these trees. We should chop them down and burn them.

0:20
Indian (Sam Brown)

We should set this whole country on fire.

0:30
Colonizer (Zach Cregger)

We come in peace to share this land in harmony.

0:33
Indian (Sam Brown)

No deal! We're going to burn this whole country down.

0:37
Indian (Darren Trumeter)

We're going to burn it for Satan. We're bored.

0:39
Colonizer (Zach Cregger)

Now, Indians, don't burn America!

0:42
Colonizer (Timmy Williams)

Now, now, Zack, they were here first. This is their land and they can do with it at what they please.

0:49
Colonizer (Zach Cregger)

We'll be going now.

0:50
Indian (Sam Brown)

No deal! You gotta fight us first!

0:53
Indian (Darren Trumeter)

Yeah! For Satan!

0:58
Indian (Sam Brown)

If you go back without killing us all, we're gonna follow you back to Europe and rape all your babies. Then, we're gonna rape all the babies in the world!

1:12
Colonizer (Timmy Williams)

Dear merciful God, please forgive us for the task we are about to undertake.

1:17
Colonizer (Zach Cregger)

You know that we Europeans are a peaceful race. We want not to do battle, but for the good of virgin babies everywhere-

1:23
Colonizer (Timmy Williams)

And non-virgin babies...

1:24
Colonizer (Zach Cregger)

And worldly babies, we must to arms.

1:28
Colonizer (Timmy Williams), Colonizer (Zach Cregger)

Amen.

1:29
Indian (Sam Brown)

Now whoever loses has to go live on reservations. Forever!

1:34
Colonizer (Timmy Williams)

Now Indians, there's no need for that. Whoever loses can simply go on living peacefully with the winner.

1:39
Indian (Sam Brown)

No deal!

1:42
Colonizer (Zach Cregger)

Very well! En guarde!