Sketch Info
See More of smoking
An overzealous stoner dad (Kyle Mooney) welcomes an old friend (Dave McCary) into his chaotic home for a bizarre smoke session. Shot in a loose POV style, the sketch captures Kyle's hilariously incoherent weed-speak—full of “purp-scurp,” “skunk-gunk,” and "dank-ass, bomb-ass". As the visit spirals into absurdity, the friend realizes Kyle may not even smoke weed.
Cast & Characters
Kyle
Kyle Mooney
· Cast
Dave
Dave McCary
· Cast
Quotes
Kyle (Kyle Mooney)
Ready to smoke?
For sure, man.
Kyle (Kyle Mooney)
I got some, uh, some good bomb-ass dank ass from up north. Yeah, man.
Oh, sick.
Kyle (Kyle Mooney)
Yeah, purp scurp.
Oh, what do you got here?
Kyle (Kyle Mooney)
Oh, you never met my daughter, dude?
No.
Kyle (Kyle Mooney)
Oh, that's Candy, man.
Hey, Candy.
Kyle (Kyle Mooney)
Yeah, man. Sorry, she's, uh, probably acting a little funny today. We just gave her some edibles.
Kyle (Kyle Mooney)
Oh, I forgot to tell you, dude, I got a new bong, too, dude. It's a Python brand bong. Hand blown glass bong.
Uh, say that again. I'm sorry.
Kyle (Kyle Mooney)
I got a new bong, dude. Uh, Python brand. Hand blown glass bong.
Kyle (Kyle Mooney)
Dude, put some nugs in there, dude. Crystallize, man. Ooh, then you'll be in the cloud of puff puff pass, man.
Kyle (Kyle Mooney)
Where's my blink blink at?
Your what?
Kyle (Kyle Mooney)
My blink blink skunk, dude. Some real skunk skunk. Dang, it's a bomb ass too, dude. Some real bomb ass dank ass.
Kyle (Kyle Mooney)
Let's see, yes. Ooh, let me get it then we box hot, dude.
Excuse me?
Kyle (Kyle Mooney)
Let me get it and then let's box hot, dude.
Well, I don't know what that means.
Kyle (Kyle Mooney)
Box hot the place, dude.
Hot box?
Kyle (Kyle Mooney)
Yeah, man... oh dang dude, she's... she's dealing.
She's dealing?
Kyle (Kyle Mooney)
Yeah, man.
Dealing what?
Kyle (Kyle Mooney)
Dude, she deals. She hooks it up, dude, fatty style.
Kyle (Kyle Mooney)
By the way, you can get an eighth pound gram for eighth pound.
Kyle (Kyle Mooney)
Dude. She's pissed, man. She won't have it with... Dude, some people... Hey, you want me to talk to him? Nah, she can handle her business.
Kyle (Kyle Mooney)
Dude, when you can get some real skank-ass, bomb-ass, dank-ass skunk like that, dude. Hmm.
Kyle (Kyle Mooney)
Pass that here?
Pass what there?
Kyle (Kyle Mooney)
Ooh, that is some good-ass... dank ass purp scurp. Woooo!
Kyle (Kyle Mooney)
That's some skunk gunk gunk dude.
Kyle (Kyle Mooney)
Purp scurp from up north dude. Cadapalana?
What?
Kyle (Kyle Mooney)
Cadapalana, dude. Down up north dude off the one five. That's the place dude. Cause they got the farmers man.
Kyle (Kyle Mooney)
It's kush bushes dude. That's that- it's like scientifically proven dude. Cause they take the THC splice.
Kyle (Kyle Mooney)
Put a little nug nug in there dude. Make sure it's crystallized. Dude. The fumes make it happen dude. Whoo!
Kyle (Kyle Mooney)
Dang, man, where'd you get that skunk-kunk.
What?
Kyle (Kyle Mooney)
Where'd you get that skunk-kunk-kunk.
Kyle (Kyle Mooney)
Some real burp, scurp, scurp, burp, derp, derp. Wooo!
Kyle (Kyle Mooney)
It's some THC, it's like, whoa.
Kyle (Kyle Mooney)
Dude, I'm sorry, dude, I'm trippin' blaze, man.
Alright man, do you even smoke weed?
Kyle (Kyle Mooney)
No, dude, dude no way.
Do you know what it is?
Kyle (Kyle Mooney)
No, man, but I wanna high!