Due to modern miracles, I was able to record that sketch safely on a secured sound stage, while the black actors were actually filmed many miles away. I was never in harm's way for a moment. Isn't technology wonderful?

Trevor Moore as in Classroom

2

Uh-huh. My parents are dead.

Trevor Moore as Scotty in Classroom

2

Flower. Triangle. Or he'll die in the streets.

Darren Trumeter as Teacher in Classroom

2

All right, now. How many hours did it take for the jaws of life to get Joey's mom's body out of the crumpled vehicle? Yes.

Darren Trumeter as Teacher in Classroom

2

Hanging out with black people.

Trevor Moore as Scotty in Classroom

2

Hey! Hey! Now, you know the rules. I've just explained them to you. This battle's barely even started yet, and I'm down to only a handful of men. You're doing very poorly in this war, I might say.

Zach Cregger as British Officer in Polite War

2

So if we go right now, we can get away. And they're like, that's great. What's the bad news? And he's like, "chic chic", I'm the bad news. And they're like, oh, snap.

Trevor Moore as Pitching Guy in Movie Pitching Guy

2

Ho! What are you doing, skinny? What are you doing, you fat piece of shit? Where's he going? What's that fat piece of shit doing now?

Zach Cregger as Abraham Lincoln in What Really Happened To Abe Lincoln

2

Hey, acting! Stop the play! Acting! Ho! Hey! Ho! I gotta go to the bathroom. I drank too much liquid, now I gotta piss.

Zach Cregger as Abraham Lincoln in What Really Happened To Abe Lincoln

2

Oh my God Hamlet! I just saw a fucking vampire! It bit me right in the neck!

Timmy Williams as Thespian in What Really Happened To Abe Lincoln

2

Save yourself Hamlet. Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit!

Timmy Williams as Thespian in What Really Happened To Abe Lincoln

2

PIZZA'S NOT FOR BREAKFAST!

Sam Brown as Husband in Mama John's Pizza Bagels

2

Oh, oh did you see that? I almost swallowed this big scoop of blood! That would've been so embarrassing!

Sam Brown as Doctor in Spaghettio's

1

SpaghettiOs. They get everywhere.

Zach Cregger as Nurse in Spaghettio's

1

No, no no no no no no no there's no Spaghettios in blood ever.

Trevor Moore as in Spaghettio's

1

I don't know uh, must have been a bad batch or something. Sorry.

Darren Trumeter as Doctor in Spaghettio's

1

Hello? Ho Chi Minh? This fake Bill. I no kill Lyndon Johnson.

Bill in Bill's Back from Vietnam

1

Uh... Bill get shot in head by valiant sniper hiding in tree. Very good idea, but now have amnesia not remember every little thing.

Bill in Bill's Back from Vietnam

1

Oh, I miss my country so much. Mickey Mouse, Ferrari. Elvis Presley?

Bill in Bill's Back from Vietnam

1

Beautiful country, fighting brave soldiers. But war is not for me. Good to be back in U.S. America!

Bill in Bill's Back from Vietnam

1

Hey, guys. Great American barbecue, huh? Rock and roll.

Bill in Bill's Back from Vietnam

1

I'm so glad I killed real Bill!

Bill in Bill's Back from Vietnam

1

You know, I may be too cowardly to go over there and fight you people, but I am not too cowardly to kick your unarmed ass at a barbecue down the street from my house!

Sam Brown as in Bill's Back from Vietnam

1

You think I kill Bill, take his dog tag so I can come here, live fast life, beautiful women in American country?

Bill in Bill's Back from Vietnam

1

Uh-huh... psych! It's dog poop! It's great!

Zach Cregger as in First Date

1